From the Beginning...

If I am to ask the question of "Who am I?" then, I need to delve into the reality of who I was. At least, that is what I have been told by therapists and teachers in my past.

But for me, that's not an easy question.

I know that I was adopted at 3 days old. And that it was an adoption that my birth parents both felt forced into, since neither of them was older than 18.

I know that I was adopted into a family that had only 1 boy that was 4 years old, and that they desperately wanted children of their own. The father was one that worked in order for his wife to stay home and do what she wanted to do - which in the late 60s, early 70s was the societal norm. She was the stay-at-home wife who desperately wanted children of her own. But, she was told that she would be unable to birth her own. So - they turned to the next viable option... which was adoption.

The 4 year old boy that they already had in their family, was one that was adopted within the mother's family. They had adopted him from a cousin for hers or something. I never really understood the actual relationship, and how it was that he became theirs. But, it seemed similar to what the belief was about adoptions the passing of the 1851 Adoption of Children Act, "it was most common for relatives to adopt children from extended family members". (adoptionnetwork.com) All I knew was... he was my older brother, and I idolized him. The story goes... that intially he loved that he had a baby sister. But, that with all children with hydperactivity - he grew bored of me rather quickly. And, I became something that took away what he felt was his attention.

However, "the number of adoptions reached it statistical peak in 1970 with an estimated 175,000 annual adoptions and nearly 80 percent of them were arranged by adoption agencies" (adoptionnetwork.com). And from what I was told... mine was one of them done in late 1971. It was a closed adoption... and this is something that I am now finding both extremely frustrating, and glorifying to my Lord that I have been able to actually find both of my birth parents.

These images above express both of my emotions. The brick wall... and humbled and praising my Lord.

Why the two extremes??

Let me tell you.....

I have had a lot of changes in my life this past year that has had me end up start looking into my personal records, and family tree. But, if you have never been adopted, and an adoptee of a closed adoption. Let me tell you how difficult it is!

I am hoping that outside of hiring a private investigator... that there is someone out there that can help me. But, I have done tireless attempts of google searches:

And although there are many things that come up... none of them have helped me to figure out where to get the files of my adoption, or my original birth certificate.

So - it is ONLY because of the grace of God that I have been able to find my birth parents.

That is a story/post all on it's own. And that is to come.

But for now... let's journey on!